In the town of Nearburg, there lies a vacant lot, or it would have been vacant if a small gang of ruffians had not claimed it as their own. On this lot sat a ramshackle house, the home of the Greaser Dogs. Off to one side there was also a smaller dwelling, which the blond poodle Shriek claimed as her own little hideaway from the other two Greasers, Cliff and Lube.
     Shriek was alone in her separate room that day, lying on her bed. In her hands was a photograph of a dog, named, appropriately enough, Dog, the other half of the strange creature known as CatDog.
     A heavy sigh was heard.
     “Oh, Dog, my precious...” said Shriek softly, if gratingly. “My true love. How can I go on without you?” She sighed again. “You’re my one and only, I jus’ know it, but you never seem to notice me. Why? Is it me? Am I that unattractive to you?”
     She studied herself in her floor length mirror. “Well, maybe a new hairdo... Nah, it can’t be me, I look jus’ fine. ‘Sides, I tried changing my looks once, and that didn’t work. It’s gotta be you, Dog, you stupid but charming mutt, you. I gotta do somethin’ else to get you to see me, to get you to realize your love for me. But what?” She pondered the picture awhile longer, muttering to herself “...kidnaping...nah...a threatening letter...nah...”
     “Uh, dat’s a good picture,” a dull-witted voice suddenly said from above her.
     Shriek shrieked, as she turned around quickly, hiding the photo behind her. The intruder also screamed, ran toward the door, and slammed square into it.
     “Lube!! Whatta yah doin’ here, don’t you know ‘bout knockin’?!!” yelled Shriek at Lube, lying jumbled on the floor. The tall and gangly fellow Greaser slowly picked himself up off the floor.
     “Uh, sorry, I came to tell yuh...somethin’” said Lube stupidly.
     “Yeah, what?”
     “Uh...I don’t remember...I think.”
     As usual, Lube wasn’t firing on all cylinders. “Well, why doncha just get out, huh? How long were yah standin’ there, anyways?” demanded Shriek.
     “Since, uh, ‘one and only’” replied Lube.
     “So, you know ‘bout me and Dog, then? If you tells anyone, yer gonna end up walkin’ around on yer ears, unnerstand?!”
     Lube considered that a minute “Duh, no. But, uh, maybe I can, uh, help.”
     Shriek looked at him, incredulous and a little scared as to what Lube’s idea of “help” in this situation might mean. “Help? You? How?” she said, stifling a laugh.
     “Duh, I have uh aunt dat could do somethin’. She does dis kinda stuff”
     Because of Lube’s less than stellar intelligence or verbal skills, the other Greasers didn’t really pay a whole lot of attention to him, so they didn’t really know much about Lube’s past. Shriek was naturally paranoid, but Lube was pretty much trustworthy (he was too stupid not to be). So, combined with her love for Dog, Shriek considered it only briefly.
     “Alright, Lube, let’s go see dis aunt o’ yers. I ain’t got any other ideas.”
     “Uh, what aunt?” asked Lube.
 

    After several minutes of reminding Lube what they’d been talking about, the two finally got underway. Shriek soon regretted relying on Lube for a guide, as they wandered around the city for four hours. By chance Shriek spotted a sign for ‘Madame Boticario: Fortuneteller,  Mystic, Freelance Pharmacist.’
     “Uh, yeah, dat’s her,” Lube said after Shriek pointed him to the sign. Furious about the lost time, Shriek stormed into the shop.
    Once inside, she was stopped by an odd, if not unpleasant odor. She stood in the doorway and just looked around in wonder.
    The store, if it could be called such, was cluttered with stuff from floor to ceiling. Old, creaking shelves and tables were cluttered with bottles and vials filled with odd colored liquids. There were stands full of beads and various doo-dads Shriek couldn’t identify, though some seemed to be made of bones from something (or someone). Along one wall were crystals of every shape, size and color. The floor was covered with strange looking symbols, many that were also available as necklaces or rings. Shriek noticed a few crudely made dolls, but figured they weren’t finished yet because they still had the pins in them. The smell seemed to be connected to the smoky haze that hung throughout the shop.
    Recovering from her initial shock, Shriek stepped farther in, Lube following her, and started to look for the storekeeper. “Hey! Anyone here?!” she screamed.
    There was a crash from the back room, followed by what could only have been swearing, though Shriek didn’t understand the language. “Just a meenit!” a heavily accented voice yelled back.
    Shortly, an elderly bird came through the beaded curtain separating the rooms. She was a little shorter than Shriek, with dark purple feathers and black hair, and really looked the part of a fortuneteller: the Old-World peasant dress, the handkerchief around the head, the long strings of beads and rings. If she’d had ears they would have sported elaborate earrings.
    The woman scowled at them. “You ruined a delicate meexture, you...Oh, Lube!” Recognizing the tall Greaser, her tone softened. Lube waved at her. “I didn’t know you were going to viseet. Say, is this your little chiquita?” she said, smiling now at Shriek.
    Shriek knew what she was implying, and was incensed. “Hey, I ain’t his girlfriend! Don’t even joke about it, sister. Now where’s Lube’s aunt?”
    “This is a fiery one, isn’t she?  I suppose I’m Lube’s ‘aunt,’ for lack of a better term.”
    “You?!” exclaimed Shriek “But yer a bird, he’s a dog! In fact, you kinda look like that squawker that’s started hangin’ out with Do...that orange CatDog freak.”
    The bird sighed and shook her head. “Ah, si. Lola. Mia sobrina, my niece. What a disappointment she’s been. So irritating, and she always makes trouble. ‘There goes the neighborhood’ I said to myself once she moved in.
    “Anyway, as for Lube, I am not his blood relative, but I took him under my wing for awhile when he was a teenager. Pobrecito, he had no one at the time, so I helped raise him, along with many others from this part of town. But he still thinks of me as an aunt, don’t you Lube?”
    “Uh, yeah, auntie.” muttered Lube, who was staring at the light glinting off a crystal. Then he seemed to remember something.
    “Uh, lunch!” he said.
    “Lunch?” asked Shriek.
    “Uh, yeah, dat’s...what I came to tell yah. Lunch is ready.” Lube beamed.
    “A little late now, doncha think?” complained Shriek.
    Madame Boticario leaned over to Shriek “I see he’s still not altogether there,” she whispered.
    “Yeah, yah noticed, huh? Say, did you teach him Spanish?” asked Shriek. “Cliff and me always wunnered where that came from.”
    “Actually he knew quite a bit when I took him in. I just helped him refine it. By the way, I am Madame Boticario. And I assume you came in for something, other than ruining my potion.”
    “Oh, uh, yeah. I’m Shriek, and, uh” Shriek stammered, suddenly nervous to discuss her problem. “There’s this, uh, guy, that I, well kinda like, and he won’t, I mean, he doesn’t...”
    “Ah, I knew there were love matters involved.” interrupted Madame Boticario sagely. “This ‘guy,’ he doesn’t notice you, perhaps there’s someone else already in his life, but you want him to just be interested in you. You’ve tried other means, but nothing’s worked. Am I right?”
    Shriek was a bit taken aback by the accurate assessment. “Yeah, dat’s right, pretty much. Don’t think there’s anyone else, ‘cept his brother, but he don’t count.”
    “Well, he might, but not in the same way you mean. This is straightforward eenough, and not an uncommon concern. I certainly theenk I can help. Might I ask, por favor, what is this ‘guy’s’ name?”
    Excitedly, Shriek told her, “Dog, his name’s Dog!”
    Madame Boticario looked a little confused. “Alright, he’s a dog, but what is his name?”
    “Dog!” said an irritated Shriek.
    “Si, he’s a dog, but what is his name?”
    “Dog! He’s Dog! You know, he’s stuck to that Cat, they live in that weird house...”
    “Oh, that Dog. I thought you were being rather strange about that. Hmm, his brother and he do have a....close...connection. They might not appreciate a third person. ‘Three’s a crowd,’ you know.”
    “I don’t care! I love Dog, and I want him to love me. Can you do it?”
    “Of course I can. That’s what I do. In fact...” Madame Boticario walked over to one of the potions and plucked a reddish one off a shelf. “...this one should do the trick.” She handed the small bottle to Shriek. “Simply pour this on you target, make sure you’re the first thing they see afterward, and they’ll fall madly in love with you. Easy.”
    “Heh, heh, number 10? Shouldn’t it be ‘number 9'?” joked Shriek.
    Boticario looked perplexed. “Number 9? That’s for turning whales into llamas. What would you want that  for?”
    Shriek blinked. “Why would you wannna turn a whale into a llama anyway?”
    The fortuneteller thought about it for a second. “I don’t know, really, but that’s what its for,” she replied, crossing her arms.
    Shriek looked at the little bottle in her hand. This potion sounded to good to be true. “How long does it last?” Shriek asked.
    “What, 10? As far as I know, forever, so be careful with it. You don’t want to spill it on someone you hate and have them following you around the rest of your life.”
    “Ok, I’ll be careful. Thanks! C’mon, Lube, its time to play cupid.” Shriek yanked the crystal he’d been chewing on out of his mouth, grabbed her comrade’s arm, and dragged him out the door.
    Madame Boticario realized something was wrong. “Wait! You didn’t pay!” and she started to give chase. She stopped shortly. “Oh, well, I’ll overlook it, for a friend of Lube’s.”
 

    Over at Shumway Park, the pond was littered with model sailing boats, of all sizes and colors. One of the boats was zipping around quickly, narrowly avoiding the other boats and the shoreline.  This particular one seemed to be protesting loudly, but it was in fact a small, blue rodent tied to the prow creating the noise.
    “Cat! C’mon, this isn’t funny anymore!” yelled Winslow, spluttering out mouthfuls of water. “Ah, look out!!” as the boat narrowly missed a rock.
    Over on the shore, lounging in a deck chair, was one of the odder denizens of Nearburg, the two-headed creature known as CatDog. Cat was looking quite happy, the remote control in his hands, but Dog was less than thrilled.
    “Ah, I could do this all day,” said Cat, as he zipped their boat around a slow-moving three-master. Winslow yelped loudly.
    “Don’t you think that’s enough, Cat?” said Dog, concerned for his rodent pal. “I’m sure Winslow didn’t mean to sell all your opera tapes.”
    “Oh yes, it must have been a temporary insanity,” groused Cat.
    “Yeah! I’m sure he’s learned his lesson by now. Can’t you stop torturing him?”
    “Alright, just a few minutes more.” Cat sent the boat spinning in circles.
    “AAAH! Cut it out, Cat! I said I was sorry!” a dizzy Winslow cried from the boat.
    “Heh, heh,” Cat chuckled.
 

    Meanwhile, two new arrivals showed up at the park, a short poodle and a tall mutt.
    “There he is!” exclaimed Shriek, pointing at Dog. “C’mon, Lube, let’s do this.”
    Lube was staring at some waterfowl in the pond. “Heh, duckies...”
    “Lube! Let’s go! We gotta grab CatDog!”
    “Duh, what for?”
    “So I can pour this stuff on them, you moron! I need yah to hold ‘em still so I don’t mess this up.”
    “Uh, but I wanna feed the duckies...”
    “Luubbe...’ growled Shriek. She had to get her dim-witted comrade into action. Thinking quickly, Shriek told him “Y’know, Lube, I heard CatDog was makin’ fun o’ yer bakin’. Yeah, they said it weren’t good enough to feed to rats.”
    Lube was a little more focused. He didn’t like people making fun of his cooking. “They did?”
    “Oh, yeah, they been spreadin’ it all over town, especially Cat. So let’s go teach ‘em a lesson.”
    With a grimace on his face, Lube stormed toward CatDog.

    Dog was getting bored, as he usually did when he was forced to stay in one place too long doing nothing. He wished Cat would let Winslow go, then maybe Dog could play with the boat for awhile. As he looked around for something of interest, he spotted the two approaching Greasers.
    “Hey, look, Cat. It’s Shriek and Lube,” said Dog as he waved to the newcomers.
    “What!” yelled Cat as he whirled around. When he spotted them himself he forgot all about Winslow. “Oh no, they’ve got trouble in mind, and we’re the target! Run, Dog!” But before they got anywhere Lube ran up and grabbed them.
    “Uh, make fun of my cookin’, will yah,” growled Lube as he started pummeling Cat.
    “Ow, ah, my body, my body! What’d we do, Lube?!” screamed Cat. He realized dimly that he’d lost his grip on the remote control. He heard a crunch when Lube stepped heavily on it. Sparks started flying from it as it shorted out. The boat began zipping around faster, with no control.
    Dog tried to reason with Lube, but got no response. Something had really set him off. Lube raised them over his head and started spinning them both in preparation to throwing them some distance.
    Shriek ran up, the bottle of Potion Number 10 in hand, yelling at her dense companion. “No Lube! Stop that! Hold ‘em still!” Apparently she'd gone too far in her insults.
    Then she heard someone else screaming, and noticed one of the boats in the pond was headed toward the shore very fast. It hit the bank and flew up straight toward Shriek. Before she was hit head on she noticed a blue blur stuck to the front of the boat. She let out a screech as she was knocked to the ground and felt the little bottle fly from her fingers.
    The potion arced through the air, and was intercepted by the twirling CatDog. Dazed, Shriek still heard it shatter, followed by a loud “Ow!”
    Just then Lube tossed his hapless victim into the air. They went flying until they slammed into a wall.
    “Lube, you idiot!!” screeched Shriek as she picked herself up. It better have hit the right one! Now I gotta make sure he sees me when he come to, she thought as she ran over toward where CatDog had landed.
 

    Cat lay there in pain, his eyes tightly shut. “Ouch. What was that all about?” he muttered to himself. Slowly, he opened his eyes and noticed his vision was blurry and tinted red. “Oh, great, I’ve got blood in my eyes again... no, wait its clearing...”As his eyes focused he saw someone running toward him. No, it wasn’t just someone, it was...it was...
    It was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. This was beauty incarnate. This was what songs and poems were written about, the kind of beauty wars were fought over. That bouncy blonde hair, that milky white fur, those delightfully beady eyes, and that nose! Shaped like a heart! How appropriate!
    Cat knew this was Shriek (such a lovely name), but somehow it didn’t seem like her. How could he have never noticed how pretty she was? He shook his head, trying to clear it.
    The vision of loveliness was now kneeling by his other end. What? Oh, Dog, remembered Cat. What’s she want with him when I’m right here?
 

    Shriek ran up to Dog and fell to her knees. “Oh, Dog, my love. Are you all right?” He had apparently been knocked out by the impact. She cradled him in her arms “Dog, Dog, wake up!” she said, beginning to shake him.
    His eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked around.  “ What? Where...where am I? What happened?” Then he focused on the person holding him. “Oh hi, Shriek.”
    She smiled down at him. “Oh, brown eyes...” and she hugged him to her.
    Dog still wasn’t sure what was happening. He got a bit panicked, and pushed her away. “Uh, yeah, its nice to see you, too,” he said, more and more perplexed.
    Shriek’s face sank. “You, you don’t feel anything, Dog?”
    “My shoulder hurts a bit,” as he rubbed his right arm.
    Shriek turned away with a sob. “Oh, it didn’t work! I never shoulda trusted that dumb bird!” she wailed.
    She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to look, expecting Dog, hoping he’d try to console her.
    But it wasn’t Dog. Instead, Cat was staring at her, a slightly wild look in his eyes.
    “Shriek, I love you,” he said simply.
    A wave of something halfway between terror and revulsion swept across the poodle’s face.  “No, no...not you,” muttered Shriek. She quickly got up and stepped back from Cat. “NNNOOOO!!!” she finally cried, spinning on her heel and darting away, still screaming.
    “Ah, I love the way she runs,” sighed Cat.
    Dog looked at his brother, ever more confused. “Cat, are you feeling ok?”
    “Never better, Dog, for I...am in love.” He clasped his hands over his heart.
    “With...Shriek?” ventured Dog, piecing together what he’d just seen. “Why?”
    “Why? Why?!” exclaimed Cat, turning on his brother angrily. “How can you not see that she is perfection? There is no one else for me. I must make her mine!”
    Just then Cat felt someone kicking him sharply. He looked down and spotted a somewhat bruised Winslow. “Tie me up, will yah? Nearly drown me, will yah?” the rodent grumbled with each kick.
    “Ow, stop that!” Cat grabbed Winslowe.
    “Put me down, you madman!”
    “Are you ok, Winslow? You haven’t fallen for Shriek too, have you?” asked Dog.
    “What, that mutt? She’s hard on the ears and the eyes! Who could fall for that?”
    “Hey, that’s the woman I love your badmouthing!” growled Cat.
    “You?! Ha! Why? She hates your guts,” laughed Winslow.
    “That doesn’t matter. Clearly she just needs to get to know me better.”
    “Yeah, right! Good luck,” Winslow sneered.
    “Oh, just shut up,” and with that Cat tossed the rodent over the wall they’d hit. To his brother, Cat said “Alright, Dog, let’s go. I’ve got a poodle to woo!”
    With that, they walked off after Shriek, Dog thoroughly confused and now a bit worried about his brother.
    Winslow clambered back up the wall and called to the receding bicranial quadruped . “It’ll never work, Cat! You’re in for some real torment!” He thought about that a moment. “Heh, heh, I can’t wait to see it,” he said to himself before jumping off the wall and following them.
    Lube was left alone, feeding the ducks.